It was day 13 of a 16-day yoga teacher training at Yandara Yoga Institute in Baja Mexico. Just before dawn I found a spot on the beach and drew an eight-foot circle in the sand. I dug out a comfortable seat and began my eight-hour solo experience. My goal was to spend the day practicing breathing exercises, chanting mantras, and meditating within my eight-foot sanctuary. A few feet in front of me the beach cut out dramatically and dropped several feet to the water below. I could see crabs scurrying back and forth in a dance with the tide. During the day, whenever my awareness was drawn into the past or future, I would turn my attention to their dance and instantly be anchored back in the present moment.
It was nearing hour eight and I had been in a deep meditation for quite some time. I opened my eyes to discover MANY crabs sitting in a circle around me. They looked quite curious. I let out a little yelp as my body instinctively reacted in fear. The poor crabs were startled and dove into their holes, except for one. This particular crab retreated slightly but kept his eyes fixed on me. I found myself saying out loud, “what should I do?” As soon as I uttered those words he disappeared into his hole.
I felt foolish having just talked to a crab but suddenly; he was back, with a claw full of dirt. He dumped it in a little pile next to his hole and disappeared again. I felt alone and immediately made fun of myself, “come on Hana, did you really expect the crab to talk to you?” Then he was back again with another claw of dirt. He continued to bring up load after load of dirt. Each time he would pause and look at me for a moment. Suddenly, I got it. The message wasn’t spoken but it was instantly clear, he was telling me to DIG DEEP. Tears poured down my cheeks. He watched for a moment and then disappeared. He did not resurface. The message had been delivered.
I reunited with my classmates for a two-hour pranayama exercise called holotropic breathing. As our teacher described the practice, which sounded quite intense, I found myself filled with anxiety and fear. Mentally, I was trying to figure out what I could do to protect myself from anything uncomfortable. Suddenly, the message DIG DEEP reverberated through my body. I took a deep breath and allowed myself to be fully open to the experience.
It was the most positively powerful experience of my life. I felt energy pulse through my body. As blockages opened huge waves of emotion would overtake me. Something life changing happened during this intense, and not entirely comfortable, experience. I wasn’t afraid. For the first time in my life I felt completely curious and calm in the face of something unknown. I sensed my connection to all things and the permanence of my soul. I saw the fear pattern of my life and understood that WHY we do things is as important as WHAT we do.
When I got sick I changed my diet, practiced yoga daily, and learned energy medicine techniques. Why? Fear! I was afraid of my illness, I was afraid of getting sicker, and most of all, I was afraid of dying. By listening to the crab and digging deep I was able to see my fear pattern. By being vulnerable I experienced a new why.
Two years later my actions haven’t changed much. I still eat healthy food, practice yoga, and balance my energy body. Why? Love! I love how my body, mind, and soul feel when I treat them with love. I had a paradigm shift on day 13 of my yoga teacher training and after the shift I witnessed profound healing in my body.
Today, I love my life and I choose to act in ways that support, well, LOVE!
- See more at: http://www.energyoptimists.com/blog/2014/07/the-why-behind-the-what#sthash.ALVQcdgG.dpuf